Ah, you didn’t think this argument would be put to bed this easily, did you?
If you haven’t already, be sure to check out our article detailing a few reasons as to why bacon is better than having a girlfriend. Done? Alright great, now it’s time to look at the flip-side of the argument.
What’s that you say? There’s a flip side?
You bet your bacon there is. You see, I had a close friend of mine read our “Top 5 Reasons Bacon is Better than a Girlfriend” article. While she certainly enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek humour (it’s all done in good fun, I assure you!), she swiftly had this to say in reply to our article: “all that may or may not be true, but at least bacon knows how to cook!” Touché good friend, touché.
I thus proudly present to you, the top 5 reasons bacon is better than having a boyfriend:
1. Bacon knows how to cook.
It’s true you know. Put that bacon in the frying pan and it almost takes care of itself all on its own! That’s not sizzling you’re hearing in the frying pan folks, that’s the collective triumphant cheer of bacon strips around the world saying “we got it from here chef, let’s turn into the crispiest, most delicious food you’ve tasted today!” Speaking of sizzling…
2. The only funny noises bacon makes are in the frying pan.
If there’s one thing (if not many) guys around the world can appreciate about the ladies out there, it’s that they’re usually pretty refined when it comes to, um, funny noises made by them – be it from their mouths or really any other body parts. Unfortunately for women, academic data thoroughly shows that the reverse is not true when it comes to men – 93.4% of women in relationships around the globe have to deal with men making needless um, noises at inappropriate times thinking it’s funny. Bacon sticks to the noises in the frying pan, and that’s that. There’s a time and a place for everything!
3. Bacon doesn’t act like you don’t exist around his friends.
Not at all. While Jimmy “I’m-Too-Cool-For-My-Girlfriend-Around-My-Buddies” Thompson is busy talking about his aspirations for a new set of wheels with his best friends, bacon knows a little better. In fact, bacon won’t ignore you around its best friends: eggs and ham, among others. Bacon enjoys the company of others and often strives to get together and have a good time in unison!
Case in point: bacon omelettes!
4. Bacon doesn’t try to impress you only around his friends.
In similar vein to the above point, bacon doesn’t show off around his friends. Bacon knows that you’ll love it for what it is deep down inside. Next time you have a look at your tasty dinner plate, take an extra moment to notice your bacon. Flexing needlessly beside eggs? Nope. Taking over ham’s portion of the plate? Nope. That’s because bacon knows it just needs to be itself around you and you’ll appreciate it all the same, if not more.
5. Bacon is reliable. And honest. And trustworthy. And a good friend. And a good lover (just kidding, that’s weird).
Yepp, bacon will never not call you back. Bacon will never blow what you’re saying out of proportion. Bacon will always provide exactly what you think it will each and every time – and if it doesn’t, then the surprise is always a positive one – meaning a more flavourful piece than you ever could have previously imagined. Think your boyfriend is gonna go that extra mile to impress you each and every time? Probably not, but bacon certainly will.
I know the article said “top 5”, but let’s go with one more just for good measure. *Drum roll please…”
6. Bacon Strips!
Even the name of the style bacon comes in has “strips” in it! When is the last time, if ever, your boyfriend has put on a little song and dance for you? Bacon comes right out of the box, stripped and ready to go! Now if only your boyfriend could treat you to that same liberty every now and again.
Well there you have it folks! Not everything is black and white focus – with that said, what do YOU think is a more convincing argument? Bacon better than a boyfriend or is bacon better than a girlfriend? Or is bacon just awesome in general? Let’s hear it!