Valentine’s Day is coming up. While you may think that you have lots of time, you should realize that there are only few days left, and coming up with good Valentine’s Day gifts are hard. My solution for you? BACON VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS! My suggestions follow after the jump.
Bacon Cupid Valentine
From the geniuses behind the Bacon Show comes this awesome bacon cupid Valentine’s day card. This card from Etsy.com features a cupid in a heart made out of bacon. Awwwww. Inside, it features the message “BE MINE” made entirely out of bacon. Double Awwwww. It’s professionally printed, and comes with a card. Best yet, it is pretty cheap: the price is $4.00 USD + $1.00 USD shipping. Hurry though, as of my writing this, there were only 17 left!
U > Bacon
Many people think that Valentine’s Day is for honesty or that you should telling your loved one what you truly feel. This is totally wrong. Valentine’s Day is about giving your loved one sweet, sweet lies. Like “Yes, dear, I really love that outfit” or “Your mother does not make me want to swerve into oncoming traffic” or “You are much better than bacon!” We would never support a statement like “You are greater than bacon” on any other day of the year. But on Valentine’s Day, it is the time to make your loved one feel special. Fib a little. Embellish. Make them happy. Don’t worry: you have the other 364 days of the year to be truthful about your overpowering love for bacon. (These cards are also going fast – only four left!)
You’re Just Like Bacon, You Make Everything Better
On the other hand, this is the sort of sentiment I can wholeheartedly support: using bacon’s greatness to talk about how great your loved one is. I mean, why does it have to be a war between your loved one and your bacon? Both are special in their own ways, and you should love them for it. After all, one of the best ways to spend Valentine’s Day is to spend it with your loved one eating bacon.
Here’s Some Bacon
Of course, for many of us, Valentine’s Day is not the best day of the year. It is a reminder that we are not being loved, and we have to watch all of the other smug people in love send sickening love notes to one another. For those of us who are left out, there’s this card. It pretty much says it all: for everyone who doesn’t have a loved one, we can always console ourselves with some bacon. The site also warns us that there is only one card left, but if you ask nicely, they might give you a bunch. That’s the thing about those of us who don’t like Valentine’s Day: there’s a lot of us out there. You might want to order thirty, so you can pass them out at lunch. While the love birds make everyone nauseous, you’ll be scoring points. WIN.