In response to this terribly inaccurate BuzzFeed article, we’ve decided to hurl a truthbomb into the bacon blogosphere. Bacon makes everything better – everybody knows that. We just thought we’d bring yourattention to a few of the major things bacon makes better.
More importantly, we are standing up for the gentle and nice bacon that doesn’t want to start a blog war. We however don’t mind getting into a blog war to support our beloved bacon. What did bacon ever do to buzzfeed?
It doesn’t fair or right to say that chocolate, like bacon, could be improved at all. But chocolate-covered bacon proves the doubters wrong. If any food item deserved an Oscar, an Emmy and maybe even a Tony, chocolate-covered bacon is it. (For example.)
Bacon and hope go together like, well, bacon and hope. If you have bacon, you have hope. If you don’t have bacon, how will you ever hope again?
How many times have you been stuck at some boring family shindig, trying to make small talk with your nearly deaf Great Aunt Louise? Who are the cruel and insane people that think these things are comfortable for anyone involved? I’m sure Great Aunt Louise, for starters, would be much happier sitting and crocheting in a quiet room, rather than trying to talk with your sullen teenage cousins. But hey, just add bacon to the buffet table, and suddenly the whole thing will seem worth it. Bonus: while you stand by the bacon apps, plowing them into your face, you are likely going to run into another bacon-loving relative. You can spend the rest of your time at the event with him or her, consoling each other on how much this reunion is kinda crummy, and how bacon is super-awesome.
Dogs think they are pretty cute with their big brown eyes and their floppy tails. But they seem to have forgotten that isn’t why we really love them. We love torturing them about human foods that they would like to eat. Such as bacon. Hey, fifty million Youtube views can’t be wrong (video below).
Parks and Recreation
The funniest show on TV would be substantially less funny without the moustachioed Ron Swanson. And Ron Swanson would be substantially less funny if it weren’t for his love of bacon. So, Emmy voters: I don’t think your big mistake was your omission of Nick Offerman, it was your omission of bacon for Best Supporting Actor. Truly, that was a mistake that will go down in history.
Being an Interesting Person
Have you ever noticed that people who don’t eat bacon are always less interesting than the people who do? Like, when you are at a work thing, and you hear someone say, “Oh no bacon for me!” don’t you always notice that it’s some person you’ve been secretly avoiding? You know, like the one who is always showing you pictures of their kids and demanding you decide which one is the cutest? Larry, on the other hand, likes bacon. You can see him asking for even more! And he also drives high speed motorboats on the weekends. Sue, from accounting? She looks petite, but you always see her sneaking some bacon for egg salad sandwiches. And the rumour around the office is that she once saved her family from a bear. Bacon: it’s just what interesting people do.
Bacon makes sandwiches better. Nothing else to say.