Death is a pretty heavy subject for the Republic of Bacon. Generally speaking, we prefer to talk about the way in which bacon enriches the lives of the, well, living. The wonderful taste, the incomparable smell, the texture of bacon – all of these are very much the pleasures of the flesh, of the living bacon lover. But even these wonderful ways of experiencing bacon come to an end some day, and it is only responsible to plan for the inevitable.
That said: bacon lovers, have you given a thought to the inevitable? With so many people writing their living wills and making funeral arrangements years in advance, to make sure their bereaved loved ones don’t have to bear such a burden, it is only responsible to give some thought to the way you would like your life to be celebrated. And if you anything like us, great lovers of bacon, then you will want your favourite food to be a part of those celebrations.
A Bacon Coffin!
For the true bacon lover, one who has dedicated their life to the service of their favourite food – someone like me, for example, writing this blog – a bacon-themed funeral is the clear way to go. Luckily, our good friends at J&D Foods have us covered here. Their newest product is perhaps their most far-reaching, their most visionary. That’s right, loyal readers: they have officially produced a bacon coffin. This bacon-wrapped thing of beauty is available for purchase right now, and would make an incredible centre-piece for the celebration of the life of any great bacon enthusiast. What better way to spend your eternal rest that wrapped in bacon?
We think a bacon coffin is but the first step to an incredible bacon-themed funeral. Instead of traditional floral arrangements, why not go with something even more fragrant and encourage the guests at the wake to bring bacon roses to pay their respects? We can think of no finer way to create and incomparable atmosphere.
The Memorial Cards
Many people choose to present the attendees at a wake or funeral with small cards, usually containing a prayer and a short eulogy, or a few works about the recently deceased. For the true bacon lover: why not print these on some beautiful bacon-themed stationary? That will truly be a keepsake worth holding on to.
Finally, as you are laid to rest, you should always look your best even when preparing to slumber for all of eternity. For the most ardent fans of bacon, we recommend spending eternity in a bacon suit, so that you will be sharply dressed for the afterlife. Also an excellent option for pallbearers!